I couldn't sleep tonight, so I went on facebook to pass the time and I saw a couple of posts that just hit me hard, not because they are sad or anything like that, but because I was jealous, yes I know it's pathetic and wrong, I know this. I just couldn't help to feel it.
The posts were about kids who are the same age as my Elijah, they were just normal things that kids do and one video hit me hard,a girl that I used to work with posted a video of her 5 year old sending a message to her grandma and she looked so beautiful and charming talking, and it just hit me that MY Elijah is gonna be 5 in a few weeks and my baby still doesn't speak...... I know it's wrong for me to be jealous, I know it but I can't help it. I know that it's ok and that God has everything under control............. but I am just so afraid that I might never be able to have a conversation with my baby, I wanna hear his voice, I wanna tell him a joke, I want him to tell me a joke, I want him to express his feelings to me, I just want to have a conversation with my baby and I can't. I know that there are people that have it worst and I know that there are people who would think that I am lucky that my baby is healthy, I know this ... but tonight I'm sad, I'm just sad. I know that by tomorrow I'll feel really silly for this post, but right now, I'm just sad.
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