........

....ever have one of those days when you just feel like a failure as a parent??
..... today is mine.

halloween? christmas? ???????

Growing up I didn't celebrate halloween or christmas, I remember that when I was very young, my grandpa used to put a christmas tree and decorate his house and he would also buy us all presents. When I was around 7(I think, maybe younger) we stop celebrating it. I remember them saying something about it being a pagan holiday so as soon as I heard the word pagan I knew that it ment not from God but from the devil so I was ok with not celebrating anymore. I never felt like I was missing out on anything. At school after the christmas break I always heard my friends talking about all the gifts they got and honestly I never felt left out or sad for not getting gifts myself, or for not being able to dress up for halloween, it never affected me, somehow I understood that it wasn't something that we should do. Once I got married, I was reintroduced to christmas and honestly I started to forget why I didn't celebrate it, I learned that people knew that Jesus wasn't really born on December and that they just choose to celebrate him on that day anyway. I was ok with it and I started to go along with it but I always felt weird about it and I was never really at peace with myself for it. I still don't celebrate halloween and I will never celebrate it, nor let my kids celebrate it either, I am very thankful that my husband is supported of my decision, he might think I am a little weird for thinking its pagan but he backs me up.

Today, someone posted a link on facebook that talked about why christians shouldn't celebrate halloween, I clicked on it and I was reminded that halloween is a big no no. This got me thinking about christmas and so I did some research, I know that I shouldn't believe everything I read online but I read this article that is full of scriptures from the bible  ( and the bible I do believe) and it talks about why God doesn't want us to celebrate this holidays. I now have so much doubt inside of me as to why I should continue to celebrate christmas, I never felt right about it and now I feel even worst about it, I feel like I need to pray and ask God for discernment, because I just don't wanna be doing things that go against God's will.

God's word is clear: 

Thessalonians 5:21-22—“Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.”
 James 1:27—“keep oneself from being polluted by the world”
 3 John 1:11—“do not imitate what is evil”
3 John 1:11—“do not imitate what is evil”
Romans 12:9—“abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.”
Deuteronomy 18:9-14—do not learn to imitate detestable ways, including spiritists, sorcerers and witchcraft
Ephesians 5:11-12—“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness” / “live as children of light”
1 Timothy 4:1—don’t ”follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons”
2 Corinthians 6:14-17—“what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
1 Corinthians 11:1—“follow the example of Christ”
1 Corinthians 10:31—“whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God"
 (Christiananswers.net)

and then I read this:

 Jeremiah 10:1-4

10 Hear what the Lord says to you, people of Israel. ² This is what the Lord says:

“Do not learn the ways of the nations
    or be terrified by signs in the heavens,
    though the nations are terrified by them.
³ For the practices of the peoples are worthless;
    they cut a tree out of the forest,
    and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.
⁴ They adorn it with silver and gold;
    they fasten it with hammer and nails
    so it will not totter.

I feel like this can't be any more clear and that our mighty Lord is trying to show me something by putting all of this in my heart, now I just need to pray and ask for discernment and wait for his truth to rain upon me and show me the way.
I want to be able to teach my children what is from God and not from this world, I don't want them growing up filled with lies, I want to raise them based on the truth, the truth from God.  

Office lover

So this season is the last season for  "the office" one of my fav shows ever. I can watch this on netflix all day long over and over and not get bored, love them. I missed Michael when he left but the show was still good after he left, I guess some things have to come to an end sooner or later. I'm going to miss Jim and Pam and Jim lol ( his character is just so cute),

 I mean their wedding episode was one of the best, right next to the fire drill one.

 I secretly wish that they were together in real life, I just love a good romance.

 Am I the only one who is feeling a little sad over this show coming to an end? I mean it's just a show.

can you say overwhelmed?

I've been doing a bit too much research for my son(Eli) lately and I got to say that I am feeling overwhelmed with all this information that I am finding. I feel like I have tons of work ahead of me and I feel like I won't make it through it sometimes, I'm just one person after all.
I have no idea how my son's autism is going to affect him in the future, he is only 4 and right now he is the happiest kid, he loves to play and laugh and spend time with family, he is such an awesome kid. I have noticed lately that not been able to communicate with words is getting him frustrated. Sometimes when we can't understand each other, he runs to his room and closes the door and won't let me in.

I know that I can only get the kind of strength that I need from God, I know that I got to ask and pray for it, I know that I can do all things through Christ, that he is with me and I just need to rest in his love and know that everything will be fine. I know all of this...I know I need to pray.... so if I know all of this then why am I not praying enough???
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........

I got some praying to do.



Anyway, this past weekend we took all of the cousins to the zoo (from my husbands side). It was fun, Eli had a great time with his cousin. I gotta say though, I was so tired afterwards. We took 19 kids and we were 9 adults, it was like a school field trip.

     This is some of us, we didn't all fit in the same picture.

homemade curtains.

I was having a hard time finding curtains to fit my sons' window.. it's a very long window. The ones that I found in the store were too expensive and I'm on a budget so I decided to make them myself. I needed them to be short because they had long ones before and they kept hanging from them and bending the pole so every night I had to fix them.

This is how they turned out...

 I'm not crazy about them but they do the job and they are kind of cute. The stitch witchery worked great.

I often use the " I'm sorry my house is a mess, I have 3 toddlers" excuse, but the sad part is that it is not an excuse, it's the pure truth.

 If I don't clean my house for 1 day, just one 1 day, it takes me about 5 hours to get it decent looking the next day and who wants to spend 5 hours cleaning? not me. If I want it to be spotless, it takes me about 2 days, but honestly I can never really accomplish that, unless my mom or mother in law are coming, then I have no choice but to stay up till 1am doing it. If my kids are spending the night at my mom's then I could, but I choose not to, those are my lazy days and they only happen about once every 2 or 3 months so I take advantage.


                                                              I wish this was me.

                                                              but instead this is me.

 OK that's not really me, I found this pictures online. (but you get the picture)

I've been crying alot lately.

My kids are at my mom's today because I meet with my 4 year old's teacher today.  I wanted to ask her how I could be more involved in helping my son succeed and of course I ended up in tears. Poor teacher.

I have been doing alot of research with the help of  family, My 4 and 3 year old don't speak. My oldest has been going to an early intervention program for a little over a year and they diagnosed him with autism, I worry that my 3 year old could be the same. I didn't really know what autism was until I started to notice that there was something special about my child and that I needed to look into it more. I, of course freaked inside and got into protective mommy mode and try to do as much research as possible.

His teacher was  wonderful, she listened to me and let me open up to her (which I really needed) she made me feel so much better with her words and didn't look confused when I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I know that even though we know that we are doing a good job, we sometimes need the validation and for someone to let us know that it's gonna be ok. It felt good to let it out since I always put out a strong face for my husband and my mom, I act like I am doing a great job at keeping it together, I do all my crying in the car in between trips to my mom's house and back (she lives 30 mnts away) I don't like to show them how vulnerable I sometimes am, I just don't like them to see me that way.

 I trust in the Lord and I know that He is there for me and that if He allowed for this things to happen then it's for a reason and that He will bless us through it all.

I love my babies and I would and will do anything and everything for them. I just pray for strength and patients,

This is us + poop

So I tried to get a picture of my kids and I all together and well it never really works.

But I did finally managed to get an ok one, with some editing of course.

So this is my little family (- the husband works all day and when he comes home he doesn't enjoy me flashing a camera on his face)

The other day I woke up early and jumped in the shower before my kids could wake up, my husband was awake watching tv in the living room so I didn't worry about them getting up and me not being there for them. I had a really nice long shower since my husband was home and I didn't have to rush and take a 5 mnt shower while my kids are busy watching tv and strapped in their high chairs. When I open the bathroom door I immediately smelled poop, it was a very strong smell so I went to the living room to see where it was coming from and I found my husband with the boys laying on the couch watching cartoons. I asked him where Tirzah was and he said she was still sleeping on our bed, I went to go check on her and she was not there so I walk into the boys bedroom and what do I find? My little daughter covered in poop. She had taken off her diaper and pooped in like 4 different spots in the room and then sat on her little upholster Dora chair and left poop all over it, she then stepped on the poop and there were little poop foot prints everywhere, including the hallway. Half of the toys were smeared with poop. It was awesome. :(
 

I dared to grocery shop with my 3 toddlers.

It was fun!
They enjoyed picking out things they wanted to eat. (We avoided the candy isle)

Today my 4 year old was supposed to go back to school, for some reason they changed his schedule and instead of going to school at 10:45am, he now has to be there at 8:30am... why? why?
First of all I can't even think straight that early and my kids are not even really fully awake. I had a plan in my head as to how this morning was gonna go, I was gonna wake up at 7am, I already had his clothes and backpack ready to go and all I had to do was shower him (for some reason I feel the need to send him to school as clean as he can be), dress him, feed him and put him and my other 2 in the car. Of course none of those things happened... well I did feed them.
 I didn't get up till 8am, all 3 of my kids were still sleepy and didn't care to get ready. I only had 20 mnts to do all of the above things and there was no way that I could get it all done so I chose not to even try. I feel terrible about it because I know that it's my responsibility to be up on time, I heard my alarm but ignored it, and before I knew it, it was 8am.
 I feel so irresponsible.
At least is not like it was his first day at kindergarten ...... but still.

side note: If one of my kids hits me with a toy one more time today, I think that I'm gonna lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

I once thought I could be perfect

I read an article about how Maggie Gyllenhaal stopped judging other moms once she became a mom herself, and I got to say that I can really relate to that. I'm ashamed to admit that I used to do the same thing, in my head I would always think about how some parents didn't do a good job and I would think of how I would do it differently("better")...... then I had kids and my whole perspective about parenting changed. I was reminded that we can't judge people, we don't know what 's going on in their lives, we don't know what circumstances let them to be or do or act a certain way. I am slowly learning to leave the judging to the only one who is really aloud to do that. To God. Being a parent is hard and there is no perfect way of doing it. We all have our "I'm an awesome mommy" days and our "I wish I could start today all over again" days. That's just the way it is. I love my little ones and I know that with love and patients I can be a better mommy everyday.

maid please

I need a maid. I just really really need a maid. The amount of cleaning that I have is way greater than I am, it kicks my butt everyday. I just can't believe how much mess my kids are capable of creating. Here is a list of things that my kids do almost every day:
-dry juice or milk spills all over the floor.
-cornflakes everywhere (on the couch, my bed, their bed, the floors, the living room rug... etc)
-toys everywhere, this is a daily thing. They have tons of toys and they love to see them scatter all over the house.
-sticky fingers everywhere.
-they wear at least 2 outfits a day which creates so much laundry for me, which I hate to do.

mmmmmmm now that I write it down it don't sound that bad....... but it is, believe me...............it is.

oooohhh today

Today my kids are just being so so bad, my 3 year old decided to take off running when I took him out of the car, so I had to go chase him before he got hit by a car as I'm holding my sleeping 1 year old. kids kids kids... That just put me in a bad mood and now I don't feel like being in a better mood. So bad mood mama it is for the rest of the day.
So as I'm telling him not to do that ever again (he's done it many times), my 4 year old is mocking me....... I love them so much but sometimes I just wanna make them all take a nap at the same time so that I can have some time to myself..... but it doesn't work, I've tried.

not so sure about this

Ok so I've been wanting to do this for a while now, not so sure if writing my thoughts to the public is a very good idea..... but what the heck!!!!!!! I am not the best writer or speller and sometimes when I write my thoughts on paper, once I read them again they don't sound like what I was thinking.
We'll see how this goes............